Hello, can you hear me. It's me Jason. Well anyway I cant think straight these days. My future is planned I feel really strong about it all. It seems so perfect, but again in my head I keep going over and over these scenarios about getting hurt. Yea sure I could get hurt physically out here but there’s something greater than that. You can easy rip me apart, and I’m so scared that’s going to happen. No I don’t think it’ll happen at all I'm just terrified of what it would feel like. This is the most involved relationship I’ve ever been. I've never thought I would ever be talking of future plans, for that matter apartments at all. I’ve grown depressed not so much because of my fear but because I hope I really hope that I can provide for you. I wont always be there and that worries me because I want to be . I've noticed we aren’t talking as much, maybe because you super busy with school. But I really miss it I really miss you I really love you. I'm a wreck a freight train already crashed. It's not you its me, its not me its Iraq, its not Iraq, it's life.
So as you can tell I’ve become normal in the past few weeks, numb to all worries well trying to. I just tell myself all things will be bright. The so called light of perfection is all around me. I think of all the possible scenarios that could bring upon my doom. Hell yea DOOM. One repeated scenario is that our relationship becomes stale and old because of the ripping distance between us, I wish I could build a bridge back to you 5000 miles away. God that would just make our lives so much easier. Wishful thinking.
So hear I am on the brink of tears constantly. Thinking, thinking of all that I've been through. I wish I knew what was at the end of all this waiting. I wish I could see the oncoming events of my life.
Today is exceptionally bad at the mere fact that Halloween is the mark of the holiday season. Every holiday that’s important to family and love. I will not take part. I'll put on hold the embracing hugs, the sensual kisses. Replace them with routine, and scheduled insanity. All I have to control myself area few pictures and blog. I doubt you’ve read this far.
I love crazy, I love chaos, I love outside of the box, but most of all "I love you" to give effect say the quotes in a whisper. This real now, finally it doesn’t feel like a fad. I’m in it for the eternal run none of this long run bullshit. Want I want is a family to protect, support, and love. Damn I'm emotional. More so than most. Keep writing.


"If you stray, I'll be hear waiting. If you stick it out I'll be there waiting. If you question I'll be there to answer"

So Sgt. Mocanu is having a baby....It's a great thing. In the back of my mind I say. "Dammit, I hate him. I want a child" I firmly believe I’m ready. Id put everything I could possibly put into that child. NOW...... ; )

Weekends suck for me out here...there’s no real difference. Its just I wish I could go out on the town with you at least once in awhile. Except I get to think about which guy has his eye on you not you on him but him on you. Lets say you walk to the bar right. You know there is one guy in that bar that wants to take you to his car. That scare the hell out of me...Man I’m jealous...Ah I know what I'll do I bottle it up ha-ha that helps all situations.




Hurry up crush me .




I love you…so much that I cant control myself anymore. So much I cant function. So much that I’d die for it……Man that’s rather stalkerish.